Ahazu can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Ahazu once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Ahazu frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
Ahazus tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Ahazu once sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled ninja skills. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Ahazu kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month
Ahazu is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Ahazu
Ahazu doesn't need to read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Ahazu won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Ahazu can divide by zero.
Ahazu defeated Forrest Gump in 99 straight games of ping pong. After losing the 100th game, he went on a rampage and created the Grand Canyon.
When Ahazu reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?" As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Ahazu does seems pretty OK by comparison.
When Ahazu goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ahazu could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Ahazu can count past infinity.
If you can see Ahazu, he can see you. If you can't see Ahazu you may be only seconds away from death.
Once, Ahazu ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.